It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
