I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
