there's paper in my vomit.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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