You just made me feel so damn special
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
