This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
