First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
