I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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