what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
