I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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