so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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