I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
