So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
