Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize