Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
