it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
