wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize