So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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