This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
