I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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