I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
