You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize