when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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