9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
