8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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