Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
