I just threw up on my dentist
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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