Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
