At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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