Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
