I hate your face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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