watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize