new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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