Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
