Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
