One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
3 2 1 whiskey
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
