you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
