so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize