Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
