awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
