You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
