I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
