sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
