You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
