Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
