every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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