so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
