and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize