that's an acceptable place to lick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
