I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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