I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
