When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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