make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
