i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I won the penis lottery.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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