i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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