Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
