Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
