Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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