She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
