Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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