yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize