I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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