We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
