I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
