I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
