I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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