? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
