He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am one with the molecules
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
