the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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