Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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