New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
