Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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